Sugar And Rabid Fangirls Part 1: The Argument
by Luin Nuin and Eren
Summary: Just. Don't. Ask. This story is severely hyper, random and pointless. It started out of an argument over who would get Legolas in a story. Read on...
1. Trading Legolas

A/N - well, here it is: the first story by the Elves of Darkness, Luinramwen, Nuiniachwen and Erenriel. If you've read some of Erenriel and Luin's stuff before, you know we have a habit of being strange and silly. Joined by Nuin, you have no idea how strange we can be. Heheheee...

Note: this is a collaboration of random, pointless, Legolas torture and ferret fights, written by Nuin, Eren, Luin, with inserts from Morriel. Comments are added in ( ) ,{ }, and [ ].

Edited by Luinramwen, aka Miss SpellCheck (everone's out to kill her @_@)

Disclaimer - we own nothing except our own insanity, which actually amounts to quite a bit. :-) We own nothing of LoTR, but we're plotting to sneak into Middle-Earth and capture Legolas. 

Oh yes and Mandos, who though is the god of the dead in the Silmarillion, has a secret hidden talent for baking in this story. ;-) Unfortunately we only own some of his recipes, not him. X-O

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The Characters - meet the cast of sugar-high mutants...

Legolas - our favourite elf. Everyone is fighting over him

Wisp (aka Erenriel) - adorable tree squeak protagonist

Luinramwen - evil elf -- bent on kidnapping Legolas and keeping him all to herself :-| (Not evil, just misguided. Actually, she is very evil! Legolas likes evil people...Muahahahaaaa...)

Ferrienna (aka Nuiniachwen) - hyper person/ferret, believed to be in love with Legolas -- only interested in the pouch of lollipops in his bag. (Likes him more after he gives her candy. {Actually, Legolas prefers cute little furry animals like ferrets and tree squeaks, but he likes ferrets better. Hehe})

Mandos - the incredible cookie/cake baking god of the dead

Morriel - Luinramwen's partner, plans to betray Luin and keep Legolas in her closet (Forever! Hehehe. She's going to lock him away forever and no body will ever find him. He'll be hers. {Hogger :-)})

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Luin kidnapped Legolas from all the others trying to steal him. Dah dah-dah daaaah!

Lego changes hands many times but is finally rescued by Wisp (but is really saved by Ferri, so all the credit's hers. Hahaha!! Legolas is going to live in an Elf-sized ferret hole)

Luin will finally give up and settle for Mandos, or some other Elf-guy who actually appreciates her :-( (Poor Luin... :-P Hehehe. Hey... Nobody else tried to swipe Legolas! That must mean he's Ferri's! That was too easy...)

Except that seeing that Luin is all alone and sad, and since he really does like evil Elves, Legolas changed his mind yet again and went for Luin. :-) 

Ferrienna and Wisp fought over Mandos, because he is a very good baker of sugary cookies and cake.

Ferri won, and made Mandos make her yummy things with sugar in them, and bribed Legolas back to her with sugar-filled yummy things. :-P

But Legolas wouldn't go, because he doesn't like evil forest creatures that are cute and fuzzy and - well, actually, Luin had to duct-tape Legolas up inside her house, in the basement, and manacle him to the walls. Muahahahaaaa... :-)

Ferri felt depressed, and ate all the sugar-filled things that she made Mandos make for Legolas.

Yay! Ferri had nothing left to bribe Legolas with! Luin un-duct-taped and un-manacled Legolas from the wall and apologized for tying him up.

Ferri, on a really, REALLY bad sugar high, broke down the door on Luin's basement and rescued Legolas, and put him back in the Elf-sized ferret hole.

Legolas escaped, with difficulty, because any sized ferret hole makes him claustrophobic.

Ferri felt bad, and moved him into a tree house, with more sugar-filled goodies.

Legolas, however, was allergic to sugar-filled goodies. He is a vegetarian. Luin lured him back to her with a deluxe-sized fruit salad.

Ferri ate all the sugar-filled goodies, 'rescued him' and gave him all the salad (of any kind :-]) he'd ever need and put millions of locks on the tree house door. She also nailed all the windows shut (so HA!! :-])

Luin is a master lockpicker. Neither locks nor nailed windows could keep her away from Legolas. Luin broke the widonws and the locks and let Legolas go free (Remember, he's a claustrophobic Elf. He needs to go outside now and then. Poor Elfy guy)

Ferri got mad. She duct taped Luin to another tree and found Legolas a nice mansion with a big yard with lots of trees. Ferri set up an electric fence with razor wire on it.

Luin got the duct tape off no problem and climbed a tree that was hanging over the electric fence, and hopped down in the yard. Ha ha, Ferri.

Unfortunately for Luin, Ferri isn't stupid. She knew Luin would come back for Legolas, so she put traps (covered of course) around every tree. 

As punishment for being stupid, Ferri chucked Luin back over the fence (A major feat for a little ferret) and cut all the branches that overhung the fence, or came anywhere near the fence. (Hahaha!!)

Luin got stuck in one of the trees as Ferri chucked her out, but Ferri didn't notice because it was very far up for a small ferret to see. Incidentally, this tree happened to be in the middle of the yard, so Ferri never cut any branches off it and thus never found Luin. 

That night Luin snuck down the tree, through the yard, and through the house to rescue Legolas. The two Elves escaped through a tunnel Luin had noticed when she was stuck in the tree. By morning, they were far, far, far away.

Ferri bought a supersonic jet and flew around a bit. After she figued out that it was only a simulation, she bought a real jet and chased after Luin and Legolas.

She found them, and launched a net rocket to get Legolas, caught him, and brought him back to the mansion. After she found a cement truck, she filled up the hole that Luin escaped through. (Ha!)

Except that during the night Luin had made a dummy version of Legolas and hid the real one far away. Ferri had caught the dummy.

Ferri filled the dummy Legolas with plastic explosives, found out where Luin was hiding, flew there in her jet, switched Legolases and flew away with the real one. 

After Luin figured out that the Legolas was a fake, Ferri hit a switch and the dummy blew up. Luin was covered in blackness.


	2. Fuzzy Pink Flying Elephants

After Luin woke up and picked up her left arm, she stitched it back on and went after Legolas again. Unfortunately, she didn't get far before she had to go back for her foot, which she also stitched back on. Luin was getting to be quite the expert sewer. 

Finally, she had herself reassembled and relatively decent looking, and she set off to find Legolas and set him free of the evil ferret-person who had him imprisoned.

Ferri was expecting this, so she had a cart ready. When Luin arrived, Ferri had the people from the loony bin there and they strapped Luin into the cart. Ferri paid them to put her in a padded cell. 

Ferri glanced at Luin, and gave them more money to pay for the surgery that Luin needed, and also gave them some ripped and torn clothing for Luin to fix, as she had become a master sewer.

"Thanks for the surgery!" Luin smiled sweetly. Now she felt even better than before, because before the surgery she had replaced the IV liquid with super-strength liquid. Now Ferri could never stop her again. And she had come up with the perfect plan to 'rescue' Legolas...

While she (Luin) was plotting, Ferri injected Luin with a really funny serum that makes you 'as high as a kite'.

"Yes! I can see fuzzy pink elephants!" Luin squealed in delight. "And they're flying! I can fly them to rescue Legolas!" 

So Luin climbed on the largest elephant (which was actually not there, but since Luin was high and she saw it, it was) and flew it around the forest and out of the mental hospital to find Legolas.

She found Ferri's mansion and dropped the elephant through the roof.

Ferri was looking through Luin's cell window. "Whoa! I got her in there just in time! No one wants that lunatic running around! Ha, fuzzy pink elephants...Ha, ha,ha!" Ferri walked around with a big grin on her face. Turned out Ferri had also injected herself with her serum. She wasn't as high as a kite, but she was getting there fast.

"Woohoo! Flying ferrets!" Luin grinned. "Yo, Ferrienna, got da high too! Excellent! But I bet you can't beat fuzzy pink flying elephants!" 

"Ooo! Purple cows!" exclaimed Ferri. She started trying to fly after them. 

While Ferri was occupied with that, Luin snuck into the house and stuffed Legolas into an interdimensional backpack, then snuck back out and remounted the fuzzy pink flying elephant.

Ferri took Luin's fuzzy pink elephant (with Legolas on it) and flew off, leaving Luin all by herself.

Luin, however, still had the real interdimensional backpack with Legolas in it. :-) It always pays to carry a spare.

"AAARRRGGG!" Ferri landed the elephant on Luin, grabbed the real backpack and flew away.

Luin grinned sardonically as Ferri tried to fly away. She had stopped hallucinating, so the fuzzy pink elephant disappeared from beneath the ferret, but was immediately replaced with a purple flying cow, so Ferri didn't notice, or if she did, she didn't care. Also, she, Luin, is the CEO of Interdimension Backpacks, Inc., so she always had lots of spares. Ferri took yet another decoy, hook, line, and sinker.


	3. The Duel To The Death, Or Maybe Not

Ferri looked inside of the backpack, made an angry growling sound, turned into her Elvish self, stopped hallucinating, and began to start her plan of having a brawl. 

Ferri knew she could kick the sh!* out of Luin any time, but was afraid of being squished, but now that she had turned into her elvish self, she felt she could take on the world. The fact that she was probably smaller than Luin didn't phase her one bit. Ferri got her sack'em boppers on and prepared to fight until she was knocked out by a flying plastic balloon thingy.

Luin reeeeeaaally sucked at fighting, and she knew Ferri knew that she knew that Ferri knew she sucked. So Luin climbed into another interdimensional backpack, and dialled up Morriel on her cell phone to kick the sh!@ out of Ferri for her. 

Morriel showed up on her giant orange flying mouse a few minutes later, looking rather confused, until she spotted Ferri. Luin laughed to herself evilly.

Ferri grinned evilly, gave Morriel lots of popcorn to go watch, but not to get involved. Ferri them realized that was a dumb idea, as Morriel was after Legolas too. Ferri then gave Morriel more popcorn to go away, and not come back for at least 15 minutes, and if neither came back out, she could call the ambulance. Morriel, who was still confused, took the popcorn and flew away, but just far enough to see who got knocked out by air filled plastic first.

Hearing no sounds of battle, except for the crunch of someone chewing popcorn, Luin cautiously poked her head out of the backpack. "Ohhhh sh!@," she groaned.

Ferri heard her and came after her, a dangerous gleam in her eye and an inflatable pillow in her hand. 

Luin reached into her interdimensional backpack, pulled out her own inflatable pillow, and jumped out onto the ground. She charge Ferri, yelling her favourite warcry: "For popcorn, chocolate, and Legolaaaaas!" Whump! Whump! Whump! The pillow battle for ownership of Legolas had begun.

Ferri kept dodging Luin for awhile, then blocked a very poorly aimed shot, then hollered HER warcry, which wasn't much more than ferrety gibberish, then screamed, "*growl, snuffle* LEGOLAS IS MINE!!!!" and charged, her plastic pillow smacking Luin in the head. "Ow!" Luin said. 

"Ow! Die ferrety-elfy thing! For popcorn, chocolate, and LEGOLAS IS MIIIIIIIIIIINE!" Whap! Whap! Whapwhapwhap! Luin thwapped Ferri, but the ferrety-elfy thing dodged the last triple blow and went for the backpacks.

Ferri was beginning to reach for the backpacks when Luin realized what she was doing, and hit Ferri with another triple blow. "Ow...Ow...Ow." Ferri turned and sent Luin flying backwards. "Cool! I didn't know I could do that!" Ferri said.

"Evil ferrety-elfy thing! You bribed Morriel with popcorn didn't you? Evilness!" Thwapthwapthwapthwapthwap! Boink!

"Boink?" Luin repeated, confused.

"Boink," Ferri confirmed. She thwapped Luin very hard and then both of them passed out with silly, demented grins on their faces.

"Where the hell did that 'boink' come from?!?" Ferri said after a little while. 

"I have no clue," Luin replied. 

Ferri and Luin pondered this for awhile, and in that time, they decided to have another duel over Legolas, with something other than sock'em boppers.

Now they would be pulling out all the stops - Muahahahahaaaaaaaa.....


	4. Serum And Ferrets Again

Ferri and Luin left the clearing to go get their weapons. They came back positively armed to the teeth. Before starting the battle, however, Luin carefully hung both interdimensional backpacks from a tree branch so Legolas would not become a casualty.

The two elfy-people revealed their weapons. "Haha! Paintball guns!" crowed Ferri, waving around her guns plus 2 000 000 paintballs.

"Haha!" Luin snickered. Then her face went pale. "Uh, I mean -" Sheepishly she held up her water pistols, two giant supersoakers, and a garden hose, trailed all the way from the tap at Ferri's mansion.

Ferri began to laugh at Luin, and Luin hosed her.

"ARRRGGGHHH! You made me wet! You are a big meany Luin! Now it's payback time!! Mahahahahaaa!" Ferri whipped out a paintball machine gun and covered Luin in prettiful, shiny purple and blue paint.

"OOO, SHINY!!" Luin cried out, happy. She sprayed herself off with the hose, and splashed happily in the sparkly, prettifully shiny puddle that formed at her feet. 

Ferri stared at her, totally confused, and Luin finally noticed it.

"For chocolate, popcorn, all things sugary good and Legolas!" she screeched, spraying Ferri with all her water guns, which actually contained chocolate syrup, not water.

"Yummy! Chocolatey!" Ferri said as it hit her face. Ferri opened her mouth and ate all the chocolate syrup.

"Hey! You were NOT supposed to eat all my ammunition!"

Ferri was making a glass of chocolate milk. "Oops! Sorry!"

"Oh, well," Luin shrugged, and started eating her own ammunition. "It tastes better than paint anyhow." 

She made chocolate milkshakes and gave one to Ferri, then on second thought, opened the interdimensional backpack (the right one) and gave another milkshake to Legolas.

Ferri looked at the milkshake. "What did you do to it, Luin?"

"Nothing! I swear!"

"Right...." Oh well, if she did do something to it, it might be fun and entertaining. I'm gonna drink it, Ferri thought. 

Ferri shrugged and drank the milkshake.

Luin watched, then drank her own milkshake. "See? I didn't do a thing."

Ferri hiccuped, and started to shrink.

"Like hell you didn't!" she squeaked as she turned, permanently - well, maybe - back into a ferret.

"Muahahahaaaa!"

Ferri glared evilly at Luin, just in case she could only talk like a ferret, or sounded really weired. Hey, maybe if I swear at her in Ferret, she'll have no idea what the hell I'm saying! Ferri thought. 

So Ferri swore at her in Ferret for the next ten hours. It was great fun for Ferri, but for Luin it was confusing, as she didn't know what the hell Ferri was saying.

Then Luin performed a spell so that Ferri could speak human again, without the ferret noticing. Right in the middle of a word it would NOT be polite to quote here, Ferri's human (or is that elfy?) voice came back.

Legolas stared in shock at the torrent of swears coming from this little fuzzy, innocent-looking, friendly (?) forest creature. He decided to hightail it out of there, and the chase was on yet again, though neither elf nor ferret knew it. 

Ferri was still swearing. "*%^&$%^#!@#(*)&%%$#@$#*(^$#$#!@%$^#$&$&*)... Yay! I can talk again!" Ferri did some really funny cartwheels. She looked around, and saw one of the backpacks was missing, so she told Luin, who was chanting another spell.

"Luin...Legolas' backpack is gone," said the little ferrety-elf (well, mostly ferrety now) person, tugging on her robes.

At that point Luin just realized she was actually wearing robes! Wow...sparkly blue-green! 

Anyways, Luin just laughed and said, "Oh, I let him out. He's kinda claustrophobic."

"But where's the actual backpack then?"

Luin thought for a second, then started swearing worse than Ferri. "!@^*#$%#*!! That $*#$@)&@#$((@#$ ran off! (%%$$@@%&*)%^*!!"

"Uh-huh," Ferri said, bemused. "Then why aren't we going after him?"

"DUH!" Luin pounded herself on the head. "All right, race ya - last one to find Legolas doesn't get him!"

"Like hell I, me, the little ferret person, stands a chance of finding him. Only if I get a head start."

"Oh, what the hell, you're probably hiding a supersonic jet in the bushes. Tell ya what, you give me some more of that cool serum stuff and inject yourself too, and then we can BOTH hallucinate about flying things. Fair enough?"

Ferri pulled out her secret supply of serum. "Do we still have to race while we're hallucinating? I mean, isn't it more fun if we sit here, 'cause come on! We're both elves...err..relatively -" Ferri looked at her furry ferrety self, frowned and carried on. "Legolas needs to be free for..." Ferri check the time, "At least an hour. Ok? It's enough time to have a good hallucination or two."

"You're right," Luin admitted. "Legolas is not going to be happy if he has two high, hallucinating elves - err, an elf and and ferrety elf - after him."

She opened the other interdimensional backpack and dropped all their weapons into it, with the exception of the garden hose. 

"What ya gonna do with that, Luin?" Ferri said as she prepared lots of needles filled with serum.

"Tie up Legolas when we catch him," Luin replied with an evil grin.

"He, he, he," Ferri chuckled. "Ummm... Luin, are you SURE the stuff you gave me in the milkshake won't do something funky with the serum?"

"No, it won't," Luin said reassuringly as they injected themselves. "At least, I'm pretty SURE it won't..."

"OK, but it can't be any worse than being stuck as a ferret. But YOU wouldn't know, 'cause you aren't a ferret." Ferri grinned. She had made her point. She felt much better.


	5. Giant Green Chicken With Pink Speckles A...

A/N - If you finish reading this and are wondering, "Where the hell did some of that stuff come from, it's because we wrote this chapter in extreme boredom very late at night.

--

Luin's jaw dropped and she went pale. "Are you sure?" she asked nervously. "I - I mean you wouldn't particularly MIND if you were turned into something - well - just for example - a giant chicken?"

Ferri shrugged. "Dunno until I am one."

"Let's say this giant chicken was green, with pink speckles. THEN would you mind?"

"Are you trying to say something, Luin?" Ferri asked suspiciously.

"Let's just say - I didn't mean to!" Luin screamed as she took off, running from the evil 12-foot tall green chicken (with pink speckles).

Ferri got downright pissed off. "FIRST IT'S A FERRET, NOW I'M A BIG CHICKEN! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SH!*!!"

"I said I'm sorry!" Luin called over her shoulder, over halfway to the woods. "I promise I won't mess you up anymore! I swear by popcorn, the Sugar-god, and Legolas!"

"RIGHT!"

Ferri had enough elfy magic in her to at least turn herself back into a ferret. Ferri used it and turned into a ferret again, but again, she could only speak Ferret.

Ferri chittered at herself, mostly calling herself a bozo for believing an evil elf, but also how she had shared the serum with her.

"Ooo, a pretty shiny bouncy ball!" Luin said happily. She jumped and bounced off the (nonexistent) shiny green bouncy ball, and bounced right bak towards the angry ferret-who-was-a-chicken-but-was-now-a-ferret-again creature.

"Uh-oh."

Ferri let out a growl and stopped Luin with elf magic, walked towards her, gave her a Ferret to Elvish dictionary, stepped outta the way, and undid her holding spell. Luin kept on going right past her.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" THUD! 

"Ow," said Luin. "Look at all da funky liddle monkeys flying around my head." (She was still hallucinating, if you couldn't tell)

Then she lay back and watched the little monkeys change colour, while Ferri was up to who-knew-what mischief.

Ferri was already done her mischief making for the day. She was gonna make Luin make her talk again, then remembered she'd probably outlive the effect of the stuff Luin gave her by thousands of year. So she made the Ferret to Elvish dictionary, seeing as how they're about the only languages she's fluent in, she figured, "What the hell! At least that dumb elf can understand me!"

Correction: dumb, currently very HIGH elf. Luin was singing quietly to herself in an off-key voice about flying monkeys and bugs. Slowly, the funky serum wore off and she came to herself with a start.

"Darn! Gotta get Legolas! Race ya, Ferri!" she called, jumping woozily to her feet and weaving off unsteadily.

Ferri injected her with more serum so she could destroy more things around where they were.

"Aah! Evil talking trees! They're tryin' ta steal Legolas from me! DIE EVIL TREES!" Luin screamed, grabbing the garden hose and thwacking the trees with it.

Ferri grinned evilly as she watched Luin beat the trees with the garden hose. "Damn, that's some STRONG sh!*!!"

"DIE! DIE! DIE!" Luin bellowed, thwacking the trees harder. "LEGOLAS IS MINE!" Suddenly Luin threw aside the garden hose, and started gnawing on a tree like a beaver. "Di- Ack ! Ptui!" Luin spit out bark. "THAT WAS DELIBERATE!"

"Stupid elf. Heeeyy..." Ferri grinned evilly again. "Now I have a plan, a plan for Revenge! Ha ha ha!" (She said this all in Ferret) Ferri snuck away, not only to make more serum to keep Luin hugh, she also had to plot her revenge.

Luin continued gnawing at the tree, stopping every now and then to spit out more bark. "Ha! Just about killed this one!" she crowed, and then the tree tipped over on top of her.

"Uh-oh."

Ferri saw the tree begin to fall. "Oh no! If the tree squishes her I can't have my revenge! CHARGE!" Ferri screamed at the top of her ferrety lungs. Ferri grabbed lots of the serum and dashed with the greatest of ferret speed and pushed Luin out of the way - and got her tail stuck under the tree.

"OWWW!" She screamed in Ferret. (Fortunately, "ow" is said the same way in Ferret and Elvish.)

"Uh-oh," Luin said yet again, not totally sure what was going on - but she knew it was bad. "Hey, there's a funny ferret stuck under the tree screaming bloody murder." In actuality, Ferri was swearing yet again. "Poor thing!" Luin sprinted to heave the tree off Ferri (remember, she gave herself the superstrength potion earlier).

Ferri pulled her tail out of the hole made by the tree.

"Oh, my tail! It's all hurt now, and crooked-looking," Ferri whined between Ferret and Elvish. 

Ferri got some sticks, and a bunch of band-aids and prepared to make a splint for her tail. She crunched her tail back into place, and with a lot of ferret swears, she managed to put it into a splint. Unfortunately for Ferri, it didn't go 'totally' back into place. It was kinda bent into a lightning bolt-like break now, so she only made it worse.

Sighing, Luin corrected the splint and made it go straight - for a second. 

After some difficulty the two managed to splint it up fairly straight, and Luin also redid the spell that let Ferri talk Elvish, instead of Ferretish. 

Then she gave Ferri a sleeping pill, so Luin could a) rest her ears from ferret-swears, b) go rescue Legolas without Ferri knowing it, and c) make sure Ferri healed properly.

So once the splinted-up ferret was conked out, Luin snuck off on a Legolas-hunt.

"ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...*yawn*...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" Ferri snored.


	6. Chocolate, Ferrets, and Hair

Unfortunately, the sleeping pill wore off Ferri before Luin could find out where the heck Legolas was hiding.

Ferri woke up, and saw Luin. She tried to walk over there, but the splint on her tail completely ruined her balance. Falling, stumbling and tripping over things she shouldn't trop over, Ferri made it to where Luin was.

"Hey! Why did you leave me there? You could have woken me up!" Ferri groaned.

"Couldn't. You had a dose of sleeping pill that coulda knocked an elephant out for an hour. You sure as heck weren't gonna wake up."

"Did you find Legolas?"

"Nah, he's gone."

"Maybe he went to Mandos' place. He did say he was having a party with lots and lots of sugary treats today."

"All right! Let's go!" Luin cheered.

Ferri began to chant, "SuGAR! SuGAR!" in ferret, which sounds like - well, it sounded really funny, and because she had just injected Luin with more serum, Luin was giggling a little too much.

"SuGAR! SuGAR! SuGAR! SuGAR!" The two marched to Mandos' house, in search of Legolas and a sugar high.

Ferri rapped on the door and Mandos opened it to see a little ferret and a stoned Elf standing on his doorstep chanting, "SuGAR! SuGAR!"

Ferri held up her paw to stop Luin from chanting, "Sugar," but Luin kept on chanting.

Ferri smacked Luin's knee, but she STILL went on chanting.

Ferri said something to Mandos in Ferretish, and he picked her up. WHAM! Ferri punched Luin in the forehead.

Luin shut up pretty fast. She fell over. "Ow."

She sat there, rubbing her head. "Hello, Mandos. We're looking fo some chocolate, popcorn, sugary treats - oh yeah and Legolas. Any of that stuff here?"

Mandos gave Luin a funny look, and started shutting the door in her face. Ferri was sitting on Mandos' shoulder, and grinned evilly at Luin's blank look.

Then Ferri felt bad. "Aww, Mandos, at least give Luin a chocolate cake. I know she's evil, but she's really nice when you get her high."

So Mandos gave Luin a chocolate cake, and THEN he shut the door. But Luin was busy being happily stoned, eating chocolate cake. Meanwhile, Ferri was inside, eating lots and lots of chocolate and sugar and popcorn and sitting on Legolas' shoulder (he was there).

Ferri was, as far as she was concerned, in heaven. She was eating sugar, sitting on Legolas, eating chocolate, talking with the baking god in a really high (annoying) ferret voice, eating popcorn - but she wasn't allowed to swear, as she had traumatized Legolas bad enough. Despite the fact that she couldn't swear, it was all good.

Then Luin had to go spoil it all by knocking on the window, asking for more chocolate. 

Legolas' eyes got REALLY big, and he tossed Ferri to Mandos (who caught her, fortunately) and bolted. (Legolas, not Mandos). 

Luin broke the window, climbed through, stole some food, and chased Legolas around the house.

Ferri and Mandos stood there, staring at the stoned Luin chasing Legolas. Ferri chattered something to Mandos in Ferret, and grabbed some of her serum. Mandos threw Ferri and her serum at Luin.

Unfortunately, Ferri hit right on target, and injected Luin with the serum - but it reacted with something in the chocolate, and *POOF!* Luin had turned into a ferret too.

"Ha ha ha! Revenge is sooo SWEET!" Ferri gloated.

Luin said something in Ferret that made Mandos turn red with anger and yell, "That was NOT NICE!"

Luin shrugged, and jumped up on Legolas' shoulder. Hey, it's not all bad, she thought. I could never have done this when I was an Elf. 

Ferri jumped on Legolas' other shoulder, and Legolas handed Luin a chocolate chip cookie.

Luin munched on her cookie, while Ferri sat thinking regular - err, RELATIVELY, that is - normal elf thoughts. She knew that she could probably turn back into her Elvish self, but because her tail was busted, she was hoping to turn the sympathy into chocolate.

She was also deciding a better revenge for Luin, simply because she couldn't stand another ferret taking away all the attention she got from Legolas. But look on the bright side, she thought. She can't run very far with Legolas before I know she left!

Luin sat munching her cookie and playing with Legolas' shiny prettiful hair. Ferri glared at her, and then started braiding her side of Legolas' hair.

Luin glared back, and began giving Legolas ponytails all over HER side of his hair.

When the ferrets were finished, Legolas' hair looked like it had been struck by a hurricane. Braids and ponytails stuck out every which way, and placed here and there about Legolas' head were little barrettes shaped like flowers and ducks.

Ferri and Luin surveyed their work, nodded to each other in satisfaction, and pulled out cameras to take as many pictures as they could. 

"Mandos, can we do your hair too?"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" The god of baking and all pastries sugary sweet ran out of the room. 


	7. The Internet In Middle Earth and Hair Dy...

Ferri and Luin chased him and finally got him in a double-sided ambush. When they finished, Mandos' hair looked even worse - or better, depending on your point of view - than Legolas'.

Out came the cameras again.

"Nooo!" Mandos whimpered, covering his eyes.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

"Oh dude! These pictures are going in every newspaper everywhere!" Ferri said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Mandos and Legolas yelled, fiddling with their hair, trying to get all the braids and ponytails out of their hair.

"OK, we'll keep them then!" Luin said around a mouthful of chocolate.

Mandos and Legolas screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" again, but they were too late. Luin and Ferri had already put their cameras away.

Then Luin got out the scissors.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"My hair, my beautiful shiny hair!"

"Abuse! I'm telling the authorities!" Mandos yelped.

"Relax," Ferri said. "We're just gonna cut it."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" 

"Fine, then, we get to show people these pictures," Luin said.

"Where?" Legolas groaned.

Both ferrets smiled wickedly. "On the Internet."

"Wait a second," Ferri said. "Does Middle-Earth even HAVE Internet?"

"Now it does," Luin snickered. 

Ferri pulled out her ferret-sized laptop, and tested the Internet connection. "Works good!" she said as she plugged in the scanner. "Cut your hair or we're gonna put the pictures on the Net."

Mandos let Luin cut his hair, but Legolas was reluctant.

"But my hair, that's part of the reason everyone likes me. Waaaah!" Legolas lay on the floor, throwing a temper tantrum like a five year old. 

While Legolas was bawling, Luin cut his hair. When he saw all his prettiful hair landing on the floor, he started sobbing and whimpering.

"You big sissy," Luin said, cutting a little more hair off. :Trust me, it looks - uh - REALLY good now."

When Luin was finally done, both Mandos and Legolas were given mirrors. They took one look and started screaming.

Ferri and Luin ran off to go find hair dye (or more serum, if they lied - Legolas and Mandos never found out).

After 15 minutes of Mandos and Legolas screaming their heads off, they fell asleep.

Ferri and Luin soon came back with the hair dye. "Oh, look, Luin! They've stopped screaming and fell asleep! Now they can't complain about the hair dye!" Ferri said.

Luin and Ferri snickered evilly as they started to dye Legolas' and Mandos' hair. Luckily for the two ferrety-elf people, the two stayed asleep until the next day.

But, on the bad side, the ferrets had dyed each other in the efforts to dye Legolas' and Mandos' hair.

"Ooo, looky, you're pretty rainbow colours!" Luin laughed. "You're all blue!" Ferri giggled. 

"Yay! Now we're ALL decorated." Luin was happy. Mandos' hair was a brilliant shade of green with glow-in-the-dark purple tips. Legolas' hair was really really really pink, with glittery silver ends. Both of their parts in their hair were red.

Ferri spun around in circles, looking at her rainbow-coloured self. Luin was covered in a shiny light blue hair due, which made her look funny (in a cool shiny blue way).

Then Legolas and Mandos started to wake up.

"Oh, no," Luin said.

Ferri the rainbow-coloured ferret gave them mirrors. There was a lot of swearing coming from the god of baking and the cute elf.

"Hey! Wasn't us! We're dyed too!" Ferri and Luin said.

"Yeah, some idiots came in while we were sleeping and dyed us all funky colours!"

Mandos gave them a Look. "I don't believe you."

"See, little ferrety dye footprints all across the floor!" Legolas pointed accusingly.

"It wasn't us!"

"It was some other ferrets, honest!"

"Yeah, right," Mandos said sarcastically.

"Yeah! Look! I set up a serveillance camera!" Ferri said. She walked over to the TV and VCR (cool huh?) and put in the (doctored) serveillance tape. It showed Ferri and Luin walking into the house, then two other ferrets walking in (Hey, that one looks like Ferri! Legolas thought) with hair dye in their claws, and dyeing Legolas, Mandos, Ferri and Luin's hair or fur. Ferri stopped the tape. 

"See, I TOLD you so!" Ferri said.

"That one looked like Ferrienna," Legolas pointed out.

"I, uh, have a twin brother."

"But I thought you were and el-" Luin began. Ferri stepped on her hind paw.

"Ow!"

"That wasn't nice!" Mandos scolded.

"Does the dye ever come out?" Legolas wanted to know.

"Nope. The bottle said it was permanent - OW! Ferri, stop that!" Luin complained.

"What bottle?" Mandos asked suspiciously.

"Ummm...The one in the garbage?" Ferri said.

"Right..." Mandos and Legolas said in unison.

"Yeah...err...FERRET TALK!!" Ferri yelled, and Ferri and Luin ran over to a corner, out of sight so maybe the elf couldn't hear the whispering ferrets. They chatted in Ferret for awhile, then went back to the god and the elf to try to 'weasel' out of trouble.

"We saw the bottle in the garbage, 'cause we woke up before you guys."

"And the footprints were from us walking through those puddle of dye on the floor that haven't dried yet. And from the other ferrets who were here dyeing you gu- I mean, us," the two ferrets finished explaining.

"Uh-huh. Sure."

"As if," Legolas snorted. 

"No more sugar for you two until you tell the truth!" Mandos threatened.

"But we are telling the truth! We're serious!" Ferri said matter-of-factly.

"Right. We're not lying Ferrets never lie!" Luin said, standing up and crossing her arms (paws?). 

Ferri walked over to Luin and whispered to her, "Luin, I know you've only been a ferret for about eight hours now, but ferrets DO lie, and they know it. Sorry!" 

"But they don't know that we know they don't know ferrets can lie, do they?" Luin asked.

"I don't know. I'm all confused now," Ferri said, holding her head in her hands (Paws?).

"What was that you said?" Legolas asked.

"Nothingnothingnothing!" they squeaked.

"Uh-huh. Mandos, take all the baking and throw it in the garbage."

"Nooooooooooooooooooo!" the two ferrets yelled.

"We were talking about how we don't lie!" Ferri said, and winked at Luin. Luin got the idea right away (for once).

She ran over to Mandos. "Please don't throw out the baking Mr. Mandos, please?" 

Mandos couldn't resist the cute, adorable look on Luin's face. He sighed. "Fine, I won't chuck out the goodies."

"YAY! Yay for Luin, the ferret who saved all the goodies!" Ferri yelled.

"Thank you, kind Mandosy person and prettiful Legolas for not throwing out the goodies!"

"Uh, you're welcome," they replied, a little surprised at the ferrets' joy at the saved sugar.

"Come on, now," Legolas said. "Let's go try to get the dye off."

"But what'll we use?"

"Turpentine and hydrogen peroxide," the ferrets said matter-of-factly.

"What?!" 

"Turpentine and hydrogen peroxide," the ferrets repeated. "It works. It really does."

"Are you two going to get the dye off of you?" Legolas said.

"Nah, we like being different colours," Ferri said. Ferri winked at Luin again, and Luin snickered. "We'll go get the turpentine for you guys!"

Luin and Ferri ran for the door. Before Legolas could tell them HE had the turpentine, the ferrets were already on the hunt for it.


	8. OH ERU! MY HAIR!

Eren Note: Yes yes I know that Luin is pathetic at updating! If **_I _** had been the one who was typing this out then we would already be deep into the first sequel. This story is already an ongoing saga. You will notice some differences in the style of the fanfiction now. For example it will show who wrote what. And I know you all are waiting for the adorable tree squeak to show (ahem) do not fear she shall make an appearance soon.

Chapter 8: MY POOR HAIR!

Luin:

"Where the heck is it?" the ferrets wondered after hours of searching for the turpentine. "Right here where it's been the entire time!" exclaimed an exasperated Legolas. "Oh good but we need to find the hydrogen peroxide." "I've got it," said Mandos. "Oh good. We can begin then." The ferrets said as the got their rubber gloves and a basin of water.

Nuin:

"ME! ME! ME!" Legolas and Mandos said jumping up and down and pushing each other. "Hmmmmm . . . yeah there is enough room in the basin for both of your thick heads." Ferri said nodding and grinning at the same time. "Why you little . . . _glub_!" Ferri and Luin jumped on the back of their heads, knocking them into the basin.

Luin:

"_Glub! Glub! Glub!_" Neither ferret was sure what they were saying but it didn't sound polite. Luin and Ferri set to scrubbing the elf's and god's heads, hoping to finish before either of them had to come up for head. "Aah! Aah! My eyes!" They screamed. Mandos was spitting furiously. "Ugh! Ptui! Hack hack! Turpentine! Yuck!" "Aaah! Aaah! My eyes!" screeched Legolas. "Well. (hack hack) did it work?" mandos asked finally. The two ferrets looked at each other. "yeah – uh – it looks great!" 'Great if you like pure white hair' Ferri thought.

Nuin:

"Well at least my hair isn't funny colours anymore. Is my hair golden blonde again Luin?" Legolas asked, his eyes sparkling. "Not quite, but pretty close. Right Ferri?" "Errr . . . yeah REALLY close Legolas!" Legolas was about to jump for joy, then he thought about what Ferri said. Did he detect some sarcasm there? "Gimme a mirror Ferri!" Legolas screamed.

Luin:

Ferri brought Legolas a mirror. She was shivering a bit. Legolas looked pretty evil with his white hair. Legolas took the mirror, looked into it, and let out a long blood curdling scream. The mirror shattered his voice was so high. "What is it?" Mandos yelped. Luin brought him another mirror. He looked and screamed. 'Yep,' thought Luin, 'That mirror's pretty toast too.'

Nuin:

Legolas turned red (quite funny looking with the white hair) and began to chase Luin and Ferri with Mandos. Legolas started to threaten the ferrets then Mandos had an idea. "Ferri! Luin! I have chocolate for you!" Ferri and Luin turned around and around to Mandos and his promise of chocolate. Mandos and Legolas caught them and nodded to each other and brought them to the basin. "AAAAAAAAHHH!" 


End file.
